BOWELS AND BLADDERS

Just finished the 16 day tour, my penultimate of the summer, and picked up a cold which was, as usual, going around the group. I often avoid the bugs but it was the end of the season, a hard tour (not a bad group just hard work with a new driver and inadequate coaches) and my defences were down.
We did the Dublin to Galway run in one go and, as Phoenix Park in Dublin was closed on the previous day, we dropped in there for a photo to see where the previous Pope had been. (The current one was in the UK.) This and the long drive without a break meant that it was about three hours between breakfast and the first loo stop. As luck would have it, the driver said that the coach toilet was not available so one of the passengers was busting to go by the time we stopped for a photo at Galway Bay. Martin the driver indicated that it would be ok to use so disaster was averted but this was not the first - or last - time in my career that I have stretched peoples' bladders to bursting point.
I suppose it is the old tour guide in me trying to fit in everything and more and neglecting comfort stops, as the Americans call them. On one of my early tours of London for Evan Evans I informed an elderly American that there would be no 'rest stop' until the Changing of the Guard, so he simnply went around the back of a hut after we came out of Westminster Abbey and releived himself as definitely and discreetly as he could. (Funny the things you remember from your early days.) Only now, years later and with a considerably weaker bladder myself do I know what he was going through.
When I am not working I can go for hours without a toilet break but when I am on tour my bladder seems to synchronise with the group and I go when they go, usually every two hours.
In my defence there was nowhere on the new Dublin-Galway route to stop unless we diverted to a town, which would have taken an hour off the day without guarantee of success. Someone who started as a tour director would probably not go more than two hours without finding a coffee stop somewhere or other but I wanted to include both Phoenix and the Bay as they are in the itinerary and would be lost otherwise.
The next day was the opposite problem as we went to the ring of Kerry and I booked a late lunch at the Scarriff Inn which I have passed a million times but not stopped at. Although they get a big breakfast and dinner on these tours, people were getting antsy without anything to eat by half past one so I pushed ahead, arrived early but found the place overcrowded and uncomfortable - not a good memory of the Ring for the group. I could and maybe should have just let them loose in a town and told them to do their own thing.
Just as long as there was an easily identifiable loo nearby...

BISP IS BACK!

There will be another Britain and Ireland Study Programme running from the 14th to 18th February 2011 in Brixton. It will be designed to help people who are starting out on tour directing in Britain and Ireland and will cover both practical and historical/geographical knowledge of Britain and ireland (formerly referred to as 'The British Isles', a name that is now dropping out of favour as it has an imperialist tinge for many in Ireland).
We need a minimum of ten and a maximum of twenty participants and the course will cost £150, to include car parking and tea/coffee but not lunches. Participants will be expected to have a degree of experience in the tourist business either as blue badge guides, drivers, tour company reps or similar. Formal qulaifications are not needed for tour managing/directing but those who participated in the first course in 2009 gave universally positive feedback and there was a good feeling in the room during the course as people added ideas, information and extras.
For the present I would appreciate an email/phone call (07740628324) registering interest and I will set up a downloadable form in the next month or so with further details.
For now I have to get ready for a full coach on a sixteen day tour starting tomorrow...

Nag and Blag

People often ask about working in the tourist business - not long ago I gave some advice to a friend of a friend who was in the middle of redundancy and was interested in guiding.
Basically it boils down to three different approaches, at least one of which you must negotiate. They are not mutually exclusive, however, and many people travel two or even all three.
These are:

1. THE PROFESSIONAL QUALIFICATION
For many guides this is the only acceptable way to enter the profession, by studying for and passing the Blue Badge exams and then accepting work - at the published fee & as a freelance. This is how I entered tourism and I have no regrets about becoming qualified before I started guiding. although I did a year as a driver-guide (a glorified taxi driver with some historical facts) before I was fully blue-badged. Most new guides, in fact, have had some experience in the business as tour managers, drivers, reps or in a tour company office before qualifying.
Getting onto the course can be a big hurdle in itself as you have to satisfy the course conductor that you are a suitable person to hold the badge. Some people are smart enough to make a living but not clever enough to qualify to do so. They may take:

2. THE ENTREPRENEURIAL ROUTE
Quite a few backpackers have taken a year out to travel and then decided that actually they did not want to work in an office for the rest of their lives so they have decided to extend their vacation into their vocation (just thought of that one). They do this by becoming travel writers, overland escorts or by setting up on their own in a small way. If you have the knowledge and the skill you can sell your services to customers who are willing to part with their cash. This might take the form of setting up a walking tour - the chap who does the Beatles walk is a good example of someone who makes a decet living out of what was a hobby/interest/obsession. The more obscure your knowledge the less likely it is to have been covered already but, by the same token, the less likely it is to provide you with a living. I suggested to my visitor (who was of Indian origin) that he could organise a walk covered Indian interest in London - 'In the footsteps of Mahatma Gandhi' maybe (just thought of that one as well) but at £5-£10 per head there might not be enough takers to make ends meet. Anyone with a top hat and a few gruesome stories can do ghost walk (most places have those nowadays) or a Jack the Ripper tour ut they will face a lot of competition from other top hats. Which brings us to the last option which is

3. NAGGING AND BLAGGING
We all need to do this to a certain extent. A qualification and an entry in a list of guides will probably not bring much work in itself (unless you have some useful language skills) so you need to start contacting operators and selling yourself. With luck they will offer you some work if only to shut you up. They are looking for someone who is both available and reliable - ie who will meet their group at Heathrow at six am and see that they get to their hotel ok. You do not need to be a genius to do this but you may need to get up at four in the morning which takes a certain amount of willpower. Speaking as a landlord I am always impressed by people who really seem to want to live in my house and rent one of my rooms. Likewise an operator will be taken with someone who is as keen as mustard to work for him/her - rather than just to enter the business. The few minutes/seconds you have to introduce yourself and impress your potential operator are critical (more important than all the time youhave taken earning your qualifciation) and you have to seem both keen and competent. Most of us have invented a skill or talent which we can master after it has been offered. Fluent Serbo-Croat is probably not a good one to promise if you don't know a syllable but most of us have promised first and produced afterward.

So get ready to nag and blag in order to make a living. Most of us do it to a degree...