Sitting with passengers

"I hate talking to my passengers indivudally!" said one colleague not so long ago. It seems strange but in some ways the most stressful part of a tour director or guide's job is often just talking one to one with the people you are taking around. Most people come on a tour because they value the human touch that comes with having a guide/td - they can find the information they need from books and information signs but, in a strange country, moved around quickly from one place to another, people who are used to a certain rhythm and predictability in their lives are often thrown by the experience of travel and need to identify with their guide.
Talking of predictability, that is the one problem many of us have in chatting with, rather than talking to, people. Almost by definition guides like the sound of their own voices, but they tend to view the relationship as a speaker-audience one rather than as a conversation. One driver once told me he could give me a list of the questions he would be asked if he sat down to dinner with the people on his tour, so he preferred his own company or that of fellow drivers and/or guides. Anything except talking to 'the punters'.
At the end of a tour recently I was in a hotel with a group of drivers and other tour directors when one of the passengers from X's group came and asked her to join them as it was the last night. She refused saying that it was company policy, while the driver did go in, virtually forced to do so. I couldn't help thinking how antisocial that made the td look in comparison, even though the driver obviously did not want to go. We were having a drink and some food in the bar while our groups were in the restaurant and he was dragged across the divide while she refused to go. She was obeying company policy but the effect was not good.
My usual reaction is to say that I have had it up to here with three course dinners and that I would prefer a lighter meal in the bar, which is true but not the full truth. In fact, I have let it slide at times to go and eat with passengers, if the driver is not there for any reason, taking an empty seat when everybody has sat down. I don't think it is advisable to flatly refuse to eat with them, but I mutter something like, "We aren't supposed to (or we don't usually) do that" as though it was an unfortunate rule that, sadly, prevents me from joining them.
Companies generally forbid their tour directors/guides from eating with passengers on the grounds that it does tend to show preference to some people over others but it is the one area where people want more than most of us are able to give them - although we should make it seem like a shame, hypocrites that we are...